Sacrificial Giving Part 3: Sacrificing for the Wrong Reasons

The Bible says that we need to honor our fathers and others. So, as I talk about my stepfather, please don’t misunderstand me, I do not dishonor him. As I’ve grown older, I’ve come to realize that my stepfather was a broken man who, in a paraphrase of Scripture, “did not know his right hand from his left.” (Jonah 4:11) As he was lost, so was I was once lost.  So, believe me when I say that I have forgiven him, as Christ has forgiven me.  He did the best he could with what he believed he had.  He just didn’t believe he had more.

My stepfather was a factory worker, a first-shift foreman, well-liked and respected both at work and around the neighborhood. For the times, he earned a decent salary, enough for a single-income home. Yet we were poor. Soon after he and my mother married, they had four more children, and whatever stability might have been there disappeared.  He was an alcoholic and week after week, he would hand my mother half his paycheck, sometimes less, for rent, groceries, and the basic needs of the family and then drink the rest.

Naturally, we, his family were unhappy. He treated us poorly mostly through his absence. Every day after work, he was at the bar. Saturday mornings, he cleaned that same bar in exchange for free drinks. Sunday was the only day he was home. And when he did interact with us, it was usually to ‘discipline’ over trivial things. My mother was afraid of him and we children didn’t respect him. Yet outside the home, he was kind and generous and always present with his friends and drinking buddies.

This confused us. We were his family. We were the ones he should have been kind and generous and present with.  If someone outside our home had been told that he was an alcoholic, that his family lived in chaos, or that his behavior bordered on abusive toward his wife and children, they would never have believed it.

Throughout my life I’ve met many men like this. Don’t get me wrong; I’ve also known plenty of men who really did try to be good fathers to their children and faithful husbands to their wives. But there were still far too many who weren’t.

These men were trying to satisfy a hole in their hearts. They tried to fill it with approval and admiration from people outside their homes. Their kindness toward strangers wasn’t always about kindness at all. It was about being seen as good. It was about receiving respect they felt they didn’t or couldn’t earn where it mattered most.

My stepfather is gone now.  I believe he, like many who drink, was trying to medicate a wound that never healed. The kindness he showed strangers was an attempt to build himself up in their eyes, to patch together a fragile self-esteem. I truly feel sorrow for how he lived, and I hope that in his last years he found repentance and salvation. I wasn’t there to see it, but I hope so.  And I leave him with God.

There are many lessons that can be taken from his example; Being a good husband and father being the most evident.  However, for the purpose of this message, this is the key: some give and sacrifice publicly for recognition or for some other reward rather than for what is righteous.

Why This Matters for the Way We Give

What I saw in my stepfather, the desire to be admired, shows up in modern giving far more often than it should. One of the quiet tragedies of our time is how often giving is done in public, or at least in such a way that others will notice. However, motives are rarely simple. They are usually a mixture of good, selfish, confused, and sometimes even malicious ones. Even when the motive begins pure, applause can quickly become the real reward.  Jesus warned:

“Take heed that you do not do your charitable deeds before men, to be seen by them…” —Matthew 6:1, NKJV

The true test of sacrificial giving is whether we can walk away unseen. Whether we can give without telling anyone. Whether we can bless someone without announcing, “It was me!”, without building up our image, or without expecting someone to admire us for it.  Jesus said:

“…when you do a charitable deed…do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing……your Father who sees in secret will Himself reward you.”

—Matthew 6:3–4, NKJV

God rewards the quiet gift, the hidden sacrifice, the blessing known only to Him.

The early Christians lived this out. Without hashtags, cameras, or public praise, Scripture says:

“Now all who believed were together, and had all things in common…

…they distributed to each as anyone had need.”  —Acts 2:44–45, NKJV

Their generosity didn’t go trend. It didn’t “go viral.” It simply met needs.

Public Giving Isn’t Wrong—It Just Isn’t the Point

Life is more complicated than we wish. There is a place for public giving. Churches and ministries often show videos of people being helped, not to elevate themselves but to let others know help is available. Testimonies encourage others. Stories encourage those who need hope. Public giving has its place when the motive is service but not self-promotion.

I am talking specifically about giving that exists to make the giver look good, a temptation I saw in my stepfather and in many others in my life.

This Christmas find at least one way to give without leaving your signature.  Give something no one knows about. Give in a way only God can see. Let Him be the only witness and let His pleasure be enough.

“Your Father who sees in secret will Himself reward you openly.”

—Matthew 6:4, NKJV